Category: Blog Posts

One Body, One Chance, Let’s Treat Get Your Health Right

Health isn’t just a checklist, it’s a relationship with your body. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the excuses we make, the risks we take, and the simple truths that can lead to lasting change.

When was the last time you paid attention to your health?

Ahh! I hear you. You don’t have time. You don’t like the doctor’s office. Monitoring at home is a pain. You don’t have the tools to monitor anything. Those heart things on your cell phone seem too easy to trust. You don’t want to find out that something is wrong.

Have I caught all of them? Oh, you are scared and would much prefer to be surprised.

Look, you have one body. You are not like a car where the body can be replaced. You have one of these, and you are responsible for keeping it in good order. However, if you look around on the street or in the mall, you will clearly see that most of us do not keep this thing in good order.

Recent statistics show that 42% of U.S. adults are obese, and nearly three-quarters are overweight. That sounds scary.

If you are a traveler, you will notice that people in most other countries look very different. Most are the size and shape of a normal, healthy adult. Americans approach the size and shape of other mammals, such as walruses and whales. What is wrong with us?

How is it possible that billions of people in different parts of the world eat well, walk places, and maintain a healthy body weight? Americans spend close to $80 billion a year on weight loss. Read that again: billions of dollars.

Interestingly, Europe is catching up with the U.S., particularly in Spain, due to the popularity of new weight-loss drugs. These medications—like Wegovy, Ozempic, and Mounjaro—are part of a class called GLP-1 agonists. While they can be effective, they come with a long list of potential side effects: pancreatitis, thyroid tumors, gallbladder issues, kidney problems, and allergic reactions.

Now, if a door-to-door salesman came by offering a new product with those side effects, how likely are you to buy his product or send him packing? What are we doing?

Ladies and gentlemen, food is available. Manage that, and it will not cost you a fortune. You will be able to reach your weight goals without risking long-term harm to your body. You will be stronger as you add exercise to your day. You will save a ton of money. You will be proud of yourself.

Want to explore how lifestyle changes support emotional and physical health? Visit CDC’s Healthy Weight portal and Psychology Today’s guide to small habits and big change.

If you’re navigating health concerns, emotional overwhelm, or lifestyle transitions, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, strength, and self-care.

How Self‑Reflection Helps Us Stretch Beyond Who We’ve Been and Helps Emotional Growth

Are you growing? Not in height, most of us are headed in the opposite direction as the years go by, but in emotional depth, clarity, and self‑understanding.

Are you growing? If you think I am talking about height, I am not. In fact, as we age, we actually begin to shrink. We can lose as much as two inches over time because our bone density changes and our vertebrae collapse. But that is a story for another time.

I am talking about emotional growth. This can happen at any time and is always beneficial. I have seen people grow in this way in childhood, middle age, and even in the end‑of‑life stages. We can always grow taller emotionally.

How does one do this? I suggest using a mirror.

Mirrors come in all shapes and sizes. We have a very large mirror in our living room. It is tall, decorative, and narrow, like the one you might have on the back of your closet door, but fancier. Friends sitting on one end of the couch must view themselves in the mirror. The mirror leans against the wall because, frankly, it is too heavy to hang, and I do not want to challenge the studs and be proven right. Looking at our reflections is sometimes hard and sometimes joyous.

When we face the mirror, we see our physical characteristics, but we also see deeper into ourselves. We question: Who am I? What am I about? Where have I come from? What happens next? We may have many more questions. Check it out the next time you look in a mirror. What questions come up for you? Use them to guide you forward.

Self‑reflection is necessary for growth. When we see aspects of ourselves, we have the opportunity to grow. Without reflection, we are stuck. Reflection can come in quiet moments when we replay experiences or anticipate how we will perform in the future. Reflection can come through confrontation when someone holds us accountable and points out how we treat others. Sometimes we request this experience and truly want another to assess how we are doing. Sometimes it surprises us and throws us off course, requiring us to do some hard thinking and regroup.

However it comes to you, I hope you can be grateful. Emotional growth can be hard. For this reason, we tend to avoid it or deny it. Being open to feedback from others takes a decision. When we decide to grow, the benefits are amazing. We can uncover early childhood experiences that have kept us bound up in ways that are not healthy for us. We can challenge family experiences that have shaped us to be a certain way within the family system so that others can benefit.

Welcome growth, however it shows up.

Want to explore more about emotional growth, reflection, and self‑awareness? Visit Psychology Today’s insights on personal development and Greater Good’s research on resilience and emotional intelligence.

If you’re ready to explore your own emotional growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support reflection, insight, and meaningful change.

When We Start Parenting Our Parents, Is When the Circle of Care Turns Back Toward Us

There is a moment in many adults’ lives when the roles quietly reverse. The people who once cared for us now need our care, and the emotional weight of that shift is profound.

I have friends and colleagues in this position, and my heart aches for them.

As a culture, we have these step‑down facilities that make end‑of‑life care more comfortable, but they are pricey. Many of the people I know and talk with are coping with this process by having their aging parents in their homes.

You spend a good deal of your life separating from your parents. In fact, this process begins at birth. The infant is trained to sleep alone. The toddler is trained to wait for attention and satisfaction. The school‑aged child must be separated from the parent and placed in the care of strangers. The teen must go away to camp and thrive among peers. The college student must live separately and plan for a future life of their own. The adult can move anywhere in the world and connect occasionally through Zoom or other means.

Then your parent ages and can no longer live independently. At first, you may hire someone to come to their home occasionally to do cleaning and meal preparation. Then you begin to see the signs that they need more services and more oversight. The fancy step‑down places are not affordable, so you modify your home.

You could take two bedrooms upstairs and make one a sitting room with a cozy chair and a TV, and the other a bedroom. After all, your children are gone, and you hardly go into those rooms. You could renovate the basement so there are no steps to climb, and you have separation between upstairs and downstairs. It sounds very British.

All of this is quite good. Then the decline continues. Thinking is disrupted, memory is compromised, and your parent needs more oversight. They cannot be depended on to take their medication at the right time or in the right dose. They cannot take themselves to appointments, so you find time in your day to drive them, wait, and sit in on the doctor’s feedback.

The stages of life have come full circle. They took care of you when you were totally dependent. You are taking care of them as their dependence increases.

Preparing for this stage of life is not easy. I hope you have saved the old photo albums and your uncle’s videotapes of the camping trips and birthday parties. I hope you have a decent singing voice or are willing to sing anyway, as old songs and nursery rhymes can be comforting. I remember seeing a video of an older woman who had not spoken a word in a couple of years. A visitor began singing a nursery rhyme, and the older woman joined in, a smile of comfort spreading across her face, a powerful connection made at last.

Parenting our parents is an act of love, grief, memory, and endurance. It asks us to stretch emotionally in ways we never imagined, and it reminds us that connection—at every stage of life—is what sustains us.

For more reflections on caregiving, aging, and emotional connection, visit Psychology Today’s insights on family caregiving and Greater Good’s research on compassion and aging.

If you are navigating the emotional and logistical challenges of caring for an aging parent, therapy can offer grounding, clarity, and support. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that help families move through this transition with steadiness and compassion.

Snow, Speed, Sledding, and the Memories That Stay With Us

Winter has a way of pulling us back into childhood. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection celebrates the thrill of sledding, the joy of shared moments, and the timeless magic of snow‑covered hills.

“Rosebud.” Does that ring a bell? If you are as old as I am, you will recognize it as the last line of the movie Citizen Kane, a 1941 classic starring Orson Welles. The sled was a childhood memory.

Today is a day for sledding and creating memories. The snow, topped with ice, has not been cleared from the streets in our neighborhood and probably will not be cleared for another day. That means the hill beside our house is loaded with kids and sleds. Some of those sleds hit 30 mph before slowing to a stop at the bottom of a very long hill.

I am tempted to try it myself. However, the safer bet is to enjoy it from the sunroom window, which acts as a box seat to the show. Kids of all ages and sleds of all types are sailing down the hill. The “Rosebud” type of sled, with a wooden top and runners, is nowhere to be seen. The plastic dish seems to be the favorite—just a round piece of plastic with a slight curve like a bowl. Then there is the toboggan, with its curled front and long tail, that can hold two or three at a time. So far, no one has tried the plastic bag, but I bet someone is thinking about it.

The Olympics are being advertised on television, and that really fast sled that takes a windy path and looks truly dangerous would be at home on this hill.

My favorite memory of sledding comes not from my childhood but from my daughters. Snow started falling shortly after her bedtime and came down in torrents. By 4 a.m., at least three feet of it covered the ground and the roads. It was wet, slick snow—perfect for sledding. So, of course, we woke her up, bundled all of us up, and headed for the hill in the neighborhood. At first, we had the place to ourselves and made these gorgeous tracks as we sped down the hill. The climb back up was not easy, but worth it every time. Then, at 5 a.m., other families had caught on, and the hill filled with squeals, laughter, and screams as children and parents sped down.

I can appreciate why people love to ski. First, there is the view from the ski lift as you climb up the mountain. Part of you is amazed at how far you can see and how beautifully the hills are bathed in white. Part of you hopes they have maintained these cables year after year. When you reach the top and face the downhill, you tend to catch your breath. A sense of freedom takes over as the cold air enters your lungs. Swinging back and forth down the hill to slow your progression ever so slightly helps keep you on your skis. The best part, however, is the hot chocolate waiting by the fire at the lodge.

Want to explore more about nostalgia, winter rituals, and emotional well‑being? Visit Psychology Today’s reflections on memory and emotion and Greater Good’s research on shared joy and connection.

If this reflection stirs warm memories or inspires you to reconnect with joy, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support resilience, grounding, and emotional well‑being.

I REFUSE MYSELF

Memory, Fragmentation, and the Courage to Reclaim What’s Hidden

To refuse oneself is not rejection—it’s a call to reconciliation. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how early trauma, sensory memory, and emotional fragmentation shape our sense of self, and why healing begins with acceptance.

What an odd phrase. When a friend of mine stated this, I had to capture it. As I reflect on this phrase, many possibilities come to mind. I must admit that the first thing that came to mind was thinking of the words “to recuse myself.” Now, I know they are in no way related, but face it, the sound grabbed me, so my brain followed it. To recuse myself means that I have a conflict of interest and cannot participate in a legal proceeding. So, what does it mean to “refuse” me?

To “refuse” myself must mean that I am unwilling to accept myself. That separation between me and me would be painful, even if it were possible. Is it possible to refuse me? How would I do it? For what concern or reason? Have I worked with clients who have or are refusing themselves? Sadly, the answer to that is “yes.” They are not refusing all of themselves, but we spend time refusing parts of ourselves.

So, what parts of myself am I refusing? What parts of yourself are you refusing? Now that we know it is possible and we are likely to do this, let us dig deeper. To appreciate that we can refuse parts of ourselves, we must first recognize that we all have parts that remain silent or dormant. Our brain has been recording information from birth. Our brains kept a record of our experiences long before we could speak or read. Those experiences are recorded in images, sounds, sights, smells, touch, etc. Tapping into those will not be easy.

However, I suggest that each one of you has had the experience of those early memories resurrecting themselves. Often, I find that a smell will cause memories to come flooding back. The sense of smell is an essential stimulus in early childhood. Events in early childhood can easily be encoded in association with the sense of smell. The sweet smell of sugar cookies fresh from the oven. The putrid smell of manure from the milking cows in the barn. One scent can lead to an entire morning tumbling out of your brain.

Touch memories are also powerful and sometimes surprising. If we have been physically hurt or abused, we will easily flinch or withdraw when we experience a similar motion. If your father used his belt to paddle you, then your lover’s removal of his belt will probably cause you to recoil. Our brains hold onto these experiences and act like they are happening again. I know we all carry painful memories that we want to banish. However, this “refusing” of myself is not the best approach.

Early traumas stored in non-verbal ways will sneak into the present and impact our current relationships without knowing what is happening. Because of this, I want to pay attention. I want to catch the moment of shock, recoil, or sadness and understand the importance of that reaction. I have an opportunity to capture a childhood injury and repair it. I want to be grateful for that opportunity and not “refuse” myself.

Want to explore how self-forgiveness and memory integration support healing? Visit The Happiness Doctor’s reflections on self-forgiveness, Kerry McAvoy’s guide to reclaiming repressed memories, and Sacred Humans’ insights on healing repressed emotions.

If you’re reflecting on identity, trauma, or emotional integration, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and wholeness.

Having Patience in Winter and How Focusing Outside Yourself Helps the Season Move Along

If you are anything like me, winter has overstayed its welcome. The cold, the gray, the endless waiting for signs of life, none of it feels inspiring when you’re craving warmth and color.

If you are like me, you are sick of winter. When the sun comes out, I am crawling around the garden looking for signs of life. Come on! I am not a snow bunny. I do not ski. I put away my ice skates decades ago. Ice storms are not good for making snowballs, and I have no one to compete with in a snowball fight anyway. Come on! Where are the signs of spring that I need?

I may be having a bout of Seasonal Affective Disorder. As humans, we really do need sunlight, and our bodies and brains function better when nourished by it. That is why some people have replaced all their light bulbs with natural light bulbs. Light bulbs can mimic sunlight. They are known as full‑spectrum light bulbs and are a great solution for maintaining a healthy mood through the winter months. Go on. Change every bulb in the house.

Since you have to be inside for longer periods and you have now changed all the light bulbs, what is next? How you spend your time is critical. What do you nurture? Yep. Caring for something is actually healthy. Focusing outside of ourselves helps our brains be more creative and reduces stress. So, what are you caring about?

Me? I am caring for you! I write this blog as an act of caring.

You may be caring for a pet. Cats are self‑sustaining. Dogs need to be walked. Iguanas need places to climb. Turtles need a pond. Whatever your favorite, caring for something else is healthy for us. You might also be caring for a collection of plants. The point is to focus on something outside yourself. When you do this, you are exercising your brain.

Your brain needs exercise to stay healthy. Focusing outside yourself, setting expectations, and even taking on obligations are healthy. Perhaps you have an elderly parent you visit regularly or a collection of African violets that need attention each week. The exact object of your focus is not as important as having the focus itself.

We are born connected to another, and we spend our lives seeking connection. Being connected to caring for something or someone outside of ourselves is an important part of keeping us healthy.

The winter can go faster when you focus outside of yourself.

Want to explore more about mood, connection, and the psychology of seasonal change? Visit Psychology Today’s reflections on emotional well‑being and Greater Good’s research on connection and resilience.

If winter feels heavy or isolating, therapy can help you reconnect with purpose and emotional steadiness. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support grounding and emotional health.

MY BRAIN ON MENTAL STEROIDS

Overstimulation, Nostalgia, and the Future of Cognitive Overload

Our brains weren’t built for this pace. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how screen saturation and mental overload shape our emotional health, and why slowing down might be the most radical act of self-care.

Are you on overload? Some form of stimulation assaults your brain every minute of every day. I see people with a device in their hand “ALL THE TIME” and hear parents complain about losing their children to “screens.” This is serious.

I long for the days when screens were unavailable, or it meant piling everyone into the car on a lovely Spring evening and going to the drive-in movies. Remember the drive-in? The car would climb a little hump as you parked in a space so that your seat would be aimed precisely right to see the giant outdoor screen. Then, you would have to wrestle this metal box into the car and hang it on one of the windows so that you could hear what was going on in the movie. With all that settled, someone would be sent to the “canteen” near the front of the lot to buy popcorn and sodas. If you arrive early enough for a good spot, the kids could go to the playground, swing, and climb onto the jungle gym. As the previews started, everyone would scatter back to their cars and settle in for the big show.

I remember my favorite movies were “Ma and Pa Kettle.” Whenever one of those came out, we were guaranteed a trip to the Drive-In. The two main characters were hilarious as they tried to manage a ramshackle farm and a pack of unruly children. Such joy was felt when identifying with the children who could get away with anything. They were so rambunctious that Ma and Pa posted a sign: “Be-ware of childrun” to warn visitors to look out for sling-shot missiles and other things.

The pace in those days was much slower. Sometimes, I long for that slower pace and for the cell phone to be silent. I want to sit on the back porch in my rocking chair and talk with the person sitting next to me rather than texting them to find out what they are thinking.

Yet, I can imagine what my grandchildren will be reminiscing about. They will be longing for the cell phone days when they could carry this shiny box in their hands and choose to text a friend, listen to a song, or watch a movie on that sweet little box. Instead, they will be experiencing their children tapping the sides of their heads to turn on the implant in their brains that will give them the morning news and weather. I suppose we will always need the morning weather report. So, that will be good news for all the meteorologists out there. Your jobs are safe.

Science tells us that our brains have much more capacity than we use, so there may be room for a few different implants to have distinct functions. My great-grandchildren may be able to pull up old movies and watch them in their minds. That would be great fun. Or they could hold the details of their stock investments and have some part of their brain constantly monitoring the market to make the right move at the right time. Everyone will work from home because their brains can connect remotely.

I will stick with the rocking chair on the porch.

Want to explore how screen time and overstimulation affect mental health? Visit Stanford Lifestyle Medicine’s guide to screen time and brain health, Science of Mind’s breakdown of mental overload, and NeuroLaunch’s insights on mental stimulation and brain chemistry.

If you’re reflecting on cognitive health, emotional clarity, or digital balance, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and mental wellness.

When It’s Snowing And Invites You Back Into Childhood

Sometimes when it’s snowing, it feel harsh or hurried. But every so often, the sky gives us a gentler version, flakes that drift rather than fall, inviting us to pause, watch, and remember.

This time, you can see each separate flake. They are floating to the ground rather than falling. They are large and shapely as they land on the little table outside the sliding door. They make a pattern on the deck like balls of cotton strewn around. These are the flakes that draw you outside so you can stick your tongue out and catch one. The descent is gentle and slow, as though they are dancing toward the ground.

This is the exciting snow. You know it is going to go on for a long time. You have plenty of time to pull on your snowsuit and climb into your boots. You are excited about catching them on your tongue. As they pile up, you will make wet snowballs to fling at your sister. This is the snow where you can make snow angels.

Nowadays, you can fill spray bottles with water and food coloring, then make your own snow art. Imagine the front yard as your canvas. You could make a huge picture. You could also design a more active game by stomping out paths in the snow, then making everyone stay on the path as you play a game of tag. Laughter and capture will soon follow.

If you have some leftover bubbles from the summer, you could get them out and see if they freeze in midair. You could draw a big target in the snow and find sticks to use as darts.

If it snows all day, you should have enough to try building an igloo. That would be the ultimate fort.

Being a kid has its advantages.

If you are an adult, you could get the snow blower out of the garage and discover that the spark plug has rusted over. Remember, they told you not to leave it in there all summer. Now you have to find the wrench and the hammer. By the time you get it fixed, the snow will have melted. So give it up and make hot chocolate for the kids.

Of course, you still have to shovel the driveway now that your power tool is out of commission. The sidewalks will need it, too. And no, the kids will not be interested in helping. Perhaps some teenagers will come along with shovels. That would be the best plan of all. They get rewarded for their labor, and you can go back inside.

Being an adult has its responsibilities.

Mittens will go on the radiators or registers dotting the edges of the floor. They must be dried out fairly soon, as the snow continues to come down and the children will be ready for round two after they are fed.

Snow has a way of reminding us who we were and who we are—playful, burdened, joyful, tired, hopeful. It invites us to hold both the magic and the work of life at the same time.

For more reflections on seasons, memory, and emotional rhythms, visit Psychology Today’s essays on emotional well‑being and Greater Good’s research on joy, nostalgia, and resilience.

If winter stirs both delight and heaviness for you, therapy can offer grounding and clarity. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional steadiness through the seasons.

MAN WEIGHT

Emotional Suppression, Socialization, and the Cost of Silence

Manhood shouldn’t mean emotional exile. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how early emotional suppression in boys creates invisible burdens—and how reclaiming emotional fluency can lighten the load.

Now, you might think I am talking about the scale in your bathroom, or for those truly obsessed, the thing is usually in the kitchen. However, I am not referring to pounds. I am referring to sounds. These sounds are in your head and have been there since early childhood.

Boys come into the world with emotional intelligence that is a bit advanced compared to females. Yes, I will say it again. Boys have the edge of emotional intelligence at birth. But, no worries, we rob them of that emotional edge before they can walk. Then, we systematically train them to continue shaving off emotional states daily, year after year, as if expressing emotions was too weighty of a problem to solve. By the time they head into elementary school, they know that feelings associated with any degree of sensitivity are verboten. I genuinely like the sound of that word, as you can explode it in your mouth—Verboten: forbidden by an authority. We are the authority that carries this out.

Here are a few feelings that have been removed from the male vocabulary: abandoned, alien, down, outcast, moody, hesitant, restless, shy, nervous, overwhelmed, panicky, humiliated, anemic, broken, etc. I have a list of feelings that I give to almost everyone. The list is six pages of words with three columns on each page. Ladies and Gentlemen, we can use many feeling words to describe our current state of being. Men generally use hardly any of them.

The failure to accurately describe your feelings at any time leads to a small stone being created and swallowed. Most of the men you and I know have a belly full of stones ready to spew out at any moment. No wonder our jails are filled with men. Men make up 86% of our jail population.

Society carries this weight when we do not have to.

We also know that boys mature at a different rate than girls when looking at social and emotional development as well as physical. In general, girls reach puberty earlier than boys. With puberty comes chemical changes that impact thoughts and feelings. The brain changes in puberty. With puberty, we achieve better emotional regulation. Notice the middle school boy who jumps out from around the corner to scare the girls coming down the hall. Have you ever seen a girl do that to scare a bunch of guys? Emotional maturity. Notice the boy who whacks his friend in the head after being teased by a buddy. Nope, it’s not a common event for girls. Emotional maturity. Girls gain control of their emotions earlier than boys. Social awareness appears earlier for girls as well.

The weight of this difference is powerful. We may never change the developmental fact that girls enter puberty earlier than boys. However, we can give boys more weight in the social wrestling match. When we can socialize boys to access the full range of emotions for a human, they will have a fighting chance to move through puberty and into adulthood with emotional capacities that are entirely missing today. I want our sons to know how to be tender, how to be sad, how to be anxious, how to be lonely, how to long for more, how to be afraid. I want them to weigh in as real.

Want to explore how emotional intelligence and gender norms shape development? Visit Truity’s guide to emotional intelligence and gender, Wikipedia’s breakdown of sex differences in emotional intelligence, and ResearchGate’s study on emotional intelligence and gender differences.

If you’re reflecting on emotional development, gender identity, or relational healing, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and emotional freedom.

Why We Crave Connection

Connection is not optional, it’s part of our wiring. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this conversation explores why we seek closeness, how relationships shape us, and why connection remains essential throughout our lives.

Hi there,

I recently joined bLU Talks to talk about something we all feel but don’t always notice: our need to connect. From the very beginning, we are wired to reach out, to share, and to belong. We explored how memories and life experiences shape the way we relate to others, how our brains influence our emotions and bodies, and how connection continues to matter throughout our lives.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why connection drives growth and change
• How we form friendships and relationships as adults
• The ways our brains and bodies respond to emotional experiences
• Simple ways to reflect, share, and foster meaningful connection

This conversation is a reminder that connection isn’t just a nice idea—it’s part of what makes life meaningful, and there’s always room to grow, heal, and reach out.

🎧 Listen to the full episode: Born Connected – bLU Talks

Want to explore more about connection and emotional well‑being? Visit Psychology Today’s insights on why humans need connection and Greater Good’s research on how connection shapes well‑being.

If this conversation sparks reflection about relationships, belonging, or emotional growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, resilience, and deeper connection.