Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

LINENS

Tablecloths, Cicadas, and the Mystery of Memory

Some linens carry elegance. Others carry stories. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how tablecloths become emotional artifacts—whether they’re embroidered with roses or, unexpectedly, cicadas.

I am talking about tablecloths. When a holiday rolls around, I want to set a fancy table. That requires a fancy tablecloth. So, on what holiday would you need a tablecloth covered with cicadas? Yep, you heard it right. If you look them up, they belong to a SUPERFAMILY of insects! Yikes. I know they are noisy. I know they are numerous when they decide to invade. I know they are all over the world. But what other insects are all over the world? I also know they hide in the ground and emerge every 13 to 17 years. Who does that? What is the matter with these bugs?

If you take the time to inspect one rather than running away, you will notice their big buggy eyes set on the sides of their heads. And they make this weird, scary sound by using tymbals in their abdomens. Tymbals are like drumheads that vibrate. If you were a drummer, I imagine you’d use fan sticks—not the hard wooden ones but the ones that look like brushes—whisking them across the top of the drum to create a kind of “whoosh” sound. Cicadas emerge from the ground in hoards. Yes, hoards. They land on you. They cover the sidewalks and the ground. It feels as though they want to cover you in insect bodies and drag you underground. Their noise is constant and creepy. Yikes!

Oops, I’ve gotten off track. This story is about linens, but cicadas play an essential part. When setting the holiday table, we dive into the China closet for the proper tablecloth. Now, remember, this happens only once or twice a year, so no one remembers the number, style, or design of the tablecloths. They all come out for inspection. Thankfully, they’re all in good condition, and a little touch-up with the iron makes any of them presentable.

But then, there’s one covered with cicadas. I don’t mean that those 13 to 17-year creatures have been hiding in the China closet. This is a tablecloth with repeated designs of cicada bugs! Good grief! Where did this come from? Who the… bought this and put it in my China closet? Fortunately, the linen is dark green and cream, so the details are limited. But still… Who bought—or worse, sent me—this tablecloth? Trust me, I did not buy a cicada-covered tablecloth. And I certainly don’t remember receiving such a thing.

But here it is. In my China closet! How did it sneak in here? Surely, I would have remembered getting something like this. Did a friend drop it by? Did I smile and say, “Oh, thank you so much, what a lovely gift. I adore bugs”? Did it come in one of those boxes from dead relatives, the kind where you shove things into closets and don’t look? Did an evil spirit sneak it into the closet when I wasn’t paying attention?

Would you like a cicada tablecloth?

Want to explore how linens evoke emotional connection and storytelling? Visit Zigpoll’s guide to emotional comfort in linens, FADFAY’s reflections on fabric and mood, and Laumė Linen’s insights on textiles and mental wellness.

If you’re reflecting on memory, emotional connection, or the stories hidden in everyday objects, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and personal storytelling.

HOW DO WE KNOW WHO WE ARE?

Curiosity, Environment, and the Journey of Self-Understanding

Knowing ourselves isn’t a destination—it’s a lifelong exploration. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how early experiences, relationships, and creative freedom shape our evolving sense of identity.

Is that a silly question or a powerful challenge to self-understanding?

We come into the world with a unique personality. As we interact with the family around us, we modify that personality. If we are fortunate to live in a loving family, those modifications will be supported and explored. Infants are, by nature, very curious people. They are excellent observers and read the environment around them accurately. They have brilliant instincts, as this is their survival mechanism. Oh, to recapture that talent.

The people around us shape our personalities. When we are safe, we will explore. When we are in danger, we retreat or protest. Think of an infant as having infinite possibilities. The easiest way to demonstrate this is to think of “language.” We come into the world with the ability to speak any language. The environment determines which one or more we speak and understand. My parents speak English, so I speak English. If one of my parents had been Chinese and spoken that native language, I would have been bilingual. Our brains are capable of so much, and the early stages of exposure are critical.

Think about your early stages and your language, music, art, and knowledge exposure. I remember a client describing a special treat at his grandfather’s house. To occupy the toddler, Grandfather presented him with a volume of the Encyclopedia Britannica. Now, you might think that to be quite odd and dangerous as well, given that Grandfather would not have liked the books to be torn or drawn in. However, Grandfather took some precautions. The boy felt the privilege of being trusted with these large volumes of pictures and illustrations that made him curious. His love of books and knowledge began with this early privilege. A scholar was born in the den of his grandfather.

Many children are exposed to music and art early on. Remember finger painting? Finger painting is a messy endeavor, so many parents skip this craft. However, putting your hands in paint and feeling the wet, oozing substance move across the paper is well worth the mess. I have this image of a kindergartener moving that paint across the page, onto the table, and down the table leg. Many teachers would have stopped the exploration. Fortunately, this child had a wise and insightful teacher who was curious about the exploration and facilitated a conversation about touch and color and, eventually, about water and clean-up rags. How we relate to young children is critical.

Think of the difference between: “Oh, the paint has taken you off-road and down the table leg.” OR “Stop, what are you doing? You’re supposed to stay on the paper!”

How many of us have learned to “stay on the paper”? Going off-road is the way we learn who we are.

Want to explore how self-understanding supports emotional growth and authenticity? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to knowing yourself, Positive Psychology’s breakdown of self-knowledge and identity, and Psych Central’s creative approaches to self-discovery.

If you’re reflecting on identity, early experience, or emotional insight, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support self-awareness and personal growth.

The Hidden Strain of Multigenerational Caring

What happens when you find yourself in the middle, caring for aging parents while also raising children of your own? For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the emotional toll of multigenerational caregiving and how awareness can lead to healing and connection.

This week, I joined Brian Sacks on the Stuck in the Middle Podcast to share insights from my work as a psychologist and from my own reflections on how family stress shapes us.

Together, we explored how journaling, reflection, and awareness can open space for growth and deeper connection.

In this episode, we talk about:

• The challenges of balancing caregiving and parenting without losing yourself
• How journaling can uncover hidden memories and emotions stored beyond words
• Why men are often socialized to suppress their feelings and how it affects relationships
• The ways family stress influences the emotional needs of children and teens

If you have ever felt pulled in two directions, or wondered how cultural expectations and family dynamics shape emotional life, this conversation offers both understanding and practical ways to move forward.

🎧 Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts

If you’re navigating caregiving, parenting, or emotional overwhelm, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, resilience, and connection.

COLLEGE

Expectations, Alternatives, and the Many Roads to Success

College isn’t the only path—it’s one of many. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how postsecondary decisions are shaped by pressure, personality, and possibility, and why success can take many forms.

In your Senior year of High School, the repeat conversation is about going to college. Your relatives want to know if you are planning to go to college, where you want to go and what you want to study. The pressure is on to figure out your future. Hey, you are in high school! What is the rush? I am just a teenager, and the prom is months away. Lighten up. Or the scenario could be that you have been planning this since elementary school and cannot wait to get those applications in (implying that you are ready to get out of here).

Then there are your friends, who, for whatever reason, are not thinking of college, cannot afford college, have no goals in mind, and want to avoid the conversation altogether. Some will drop out and go the GED route later. Some will get a job after school, leading to full-time work when they graduate. Some will follow a parent or relative into a trade and build a career path before graduation. Some will shrink in fear and confusion until someone grabs a hold of them to set them on a better path.

Regardless of your group, college is a factor in everyone’s life. The dividing line for the future seems to be planted here. We have the idea that college is the ticket to a better life. In many ways, this is true. Look at your friends. Your best girlfriend in high school became a dentist. Your friend on the soccer team is a high school counselor. The fringe friend is an author and does speaking gigs about dating relationships. But your friend from the camp went into the family construction business and is now running the place. And your friend from music camp is making records and never spent a day in class.

Your parents will not want to hear this, but some of the most successful entrepreneurs do not have college degrees:
Mark Zuckerberg
Steve Jobs
Richard Branson
Bill Gates
Michael Dell
Larry Ellison
Walt Disney
Henry Ford

I am not advocating that everyone leave school. I have a college degree and use it every day. I am just saying that looking at the person and their capability may be more important than looking at the expectation that a college degree is necessary for success. The facts do not always support that.

Want to explore how college readiness and success are shaped by academic and nonacademic factors? Visit The U.S. Department of Education’s predictors of postsecondary success, Inside Higher Ed’s six factors shaping student success, and AACRAO’s student-defined success framework.

If you’re reflecting on education, career paths, or personal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, confidence, and purpose.

IT’S OFFICIAL – THANK YOU FOR CELEBRATING WITH ME

Read, Reflect, Respond Wins Bronze in the Global Book Awards

Recognition is powerful, but community makes it unforgettable. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this message is a heartfelt thank-you from Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, celebrating the official arrival of her Global Book Award and the shared journey behind it.

Dear Friends,

When I first shared the news that Read, Reflect, Respond had won the Bronze Medal in the Global Book Awards, I was deeply touched by the encouragement and kind words I received. Your messages, your stories, and your reflections reminded me why this work matters.

Now the certificate has arrived, making it official. Holding it in my hands is a humbling reminder of why I wrote this book in the first place—to help readers pause, reflect, and respond with clarity in their own lives. It’s not just a book; it’s a conversation, a mirror, and a gentle invitation to grow.

Thank you for celebrating this milestone with me. Your support, your reflections, and your willingness to share your own stories have made this recognition even more meaningful. Whether you’ve read the book, gifted it to a friend, or simply sent a kind note, you’ve helped amplify its message.

For those who haven’t yet explored Read, Reflect, Respond, you can find it here:

📘 Order on Amazon

With gratitude,

Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.

If you’re curious about the book’s themes or want to explore how reflection and emotional clarity can support your journey, learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that foster insight, resilience, and connection.

From Math to Psychology and Why Men Struggle With Emotions

In this week’s podcast episode, Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst joins Amita Ghosh on Shrinks Who Drink to explore how personal history shapes emotional development, especially in men. The conversation blends warmth, insight, and practical tools for reflection and healing.

Good to see you,

Have you ever found yourself on one path, only to hit a wall that changed everything? That is how my journey into psychology began. I loved math and dreamed of becoming a teacher, but one Calculus II class derailed my plans and unexpectedly led me toward a lifelong passion for understanding people, their histories, and the ways our earliest experiences shape who we are.

This week, I joined Amita Ghosh on Shrinks Who Drink, a podcast that explores mental health with warmth, insight, and a good cup of tea. Together, we dove into the threads that connect our personal histories to our present lives, and how reflecting on the past can free us to grow.

In this episode, we talk about:

• How I moved from math to psychology and found a calling in exploring people’s histories
• Why your brain carries every experience you have ever had, and how those memories show up in daily life
• Gentle ways to reflect on your past, including the power of journaling
• Why men today often feel lonely and struggle with intimacy
• Surprising research on boys being born with a wider emotional range than girls, and how culture narrows it over time

If you have ever wondered how your past shapes your present, or why men and boys face such unique struggles with emotional expression, this conversation will offer both fresh insight and practical ways to begin healing.

👉 Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts

If you’re reflecting on emotional development, gender roles, or personal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support healing, insight, and connection.

WHAT TOUCHES YOUR HEART?

Bloodlines, Belonging, and the Pulse of Personal History

The heart isn’t just a pump—it’s a storyteller. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how bloodlines and emotional memory shape identity, connection, and the quiet miracle of being alive.

The heart is our fuel pump for the body. The life force of blood pumping throughout my body nurtures every cell. The blood carries nutrients, oxygen, hormones, and protein to all the cells in my body, and at the same time, it removes toxins and carbon dioxide. Blood is a miracle substance that I take for granted. When I nick myself and pat the little red dot that appears on my skin, I think nothing of it. I should thank it, honor it, and show it off to my friends. “Look at this miracle that runs through my body!”

But honestly, I rarely think about the stuff. This viscous stuff is running throughout my body constantly and servicing every cell. It is doing housekeeping and fueling, and I pay no mind. As far as I know, there are no holidays to celebrate it. We celebrate practically everything else: Groundhogs, Trees, Gods, G-ds, Birthdays, Anniversaries, Wars… Come on! When are we going to have a “Blood Day”?

Before surgery, I get two bags of it drained out of my body in case I need it later. And guess what? My body makes more of the stuff. One would think I should move forward, minus the two bags. But no. My body makes more! Blood is excellent stuff.

Our parents pass it down to future generations. We refer to that as “our bloodline.” Researching our bloodline has become a very popular thing. Several companies now offer you the ability to prick your finger, insert a blood sample into a tube, and send it to a lab or spit in a tube to accomplish the same research. The lab will analyze your sample and trace your “bloodline” through generations. The results come back with generations of details. Are you related to royalty? Is there a famous criminal in your lineage? Are there relatives out there that you never knew you had? Did you finally find your birth mother? Is there a surprise grandchild out there somewhere?

The results of that prick can be fascinating and shocking. What do you do with this new set of details? You discover a grandson who looks exactly like the son you lost in the war. It’s shocking and somehow comforting as well. You find your birth mother and discover that her family never knew that she had a child. They welcome you and have fun filling in pieces of history for you. The meeting is touching and exciting. Some good people are added to your life.

Somehow, you feel richer, and the puzzle of your history is now more complete. You want to share your story or fill the following few pages in your journal and leave that to be discovered by others much later. Your heart feels different in some way. Perhaps more complete.

Our histories provide comfort and clarity, regardless of the nature of the story. We feel content when we know our history and fit pieces of our story into the mosaic that is our life. Our hearts slow, and our breathing is deeper. As the blood flows through our bodies, a sense of belonging and understanding washes over us. We know ourselves better.

Want to explore how emotional connection and heart health intertwine? Visit UT Physicians’ guide to the heart-emotion connection, The Emotional Heart’s breakdown of feelings and cardiovascular health, and NeuroLaunch’s insights on cardiac emotion and memory.

If you’re reflecting on identity, emotional connection, or personal history, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and belonging.

I have exciting news to share. My book, Read, Reflect, Respond, has been awarded the Bronze Medal in the 2025 Global Book Awards in the category of Self-Help – Personal Transformation.

When I began writing, I wasn’t thinking about recognition or awards. I was simply listening to the stories people brought into my office and into my life, stories of feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, or disconnected from what mattered most. Again and again, I saw how powerful it was when someone paused long enough to reflect, then chose a response that brought clarity or hope. That is where the title came from: Read, Reflect, Respond.

The process of writing was not quick or easy. There were nights I doubted the value of my words and mornings I wondered if the book would ever come together. But every time I considered setting it aside, I remembered the people who needed these tools. That reminder kept me going, page after page.

To now see this work recognized on an international stage is deeply humbling. The Global Book Awards honor authors whose writing inspires and transforms, and to be included in that community is an affirmation of the mission behind this book: helping people create meaningful change in their lives.

But as much as this is an author’s award, I see it as a shared celebration with my readers. Over the past year, many of you have written to me with your own reflections, how a passage made you rethink an old habit, how an exercise helped you through a difficult transition, or how the book gave you language for feelings you had carried silently for years. Those stories mean more to me than any medal ever could. They are the real evidence that Read, Reflect, Respond is doing the work I hoped it would.

If you haven’t yet had a chance to explore the book, you can find it on Amazon. My wish is that it becomes a companion on your journey, offering both gentle questions and practical steps as you navigate life’s changes.

This Bronze Medal is a milestone, yes, but it is also a reminder that the work of growth never really ends. We keep reading, we keep reflecting, and we keep responding. And together, we keep moving forward.

Thank you for being part of this journey. Your encouragement, feedback, and willingness to engage with the book have made this possible.

With deep gratitude,
Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.