Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

Christmas

A Season of Hope, Tradition, and Giving

Christmas is more than a holiday, it is a story of faith, tradition, and kindness. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the origins of Christmas, the traditions it has gathered over centuries, and the ways it inspires generosity and hope today.

The Bible reports a census called by the Romans. Maybe it happened. As the story unfolds, a pregnant woman arrives to be counted, cannot find lodging, and gives birth to a boy in a stable among the animals. That is the start of a drama that only grows more intense as the story goes on.

Christians celebrate this birth as the birth of a savior who has come to rescue the world from evil forces. As the story continues, this boy teaches, builds a community of faith, and sacrifices himself so that his community may thrive. And his community has indeed been thriving. The Christian faith has spread across the world.

In December, Christians celebrate this birth and the miracles associated with it. Over time, traditions related to this story were added that were clearly not part of the original experience. Cutting down a fir tree and decorating it comes from ancient pagan rituals. The Norse Yule added gift giving, decorating with fir trees, and feasting. Romans contributed gift giving and elaborate food displays. In some ways, Christmas seems like a tumbleweed, picking up traditions as the years go by.

We are polluting our waters and oceans. We are overpopulating to the point of extinction. We are damaging our environment to the point that we may not be able to breathe in the near future. Clearly, a savior is a good idea.

Christmas is a season of hope. For this moment, we pause to celebrate each other and to be kind. We bake cookies and take them to neighbors. We sort through old clothes and provide warm coats and hats for the homeless. We donate more to the food pantry and the soup kitchen. We feed the hungry and look for ways to support others. Christmas is a time of giving and a time of thinking about how to be available to our fellow man in ways that will improve his level of comfort and competence.

As you decorate your Christmas tree and place presents underneath it, you are grateful for the simple and the complex. You reflect on the neighbor who smiles and says hello each morning as you pass by on your way to walk your dogs. You are excited to make a bag of goodies for each of the teachers who guide your children day after day and encourage them to accept challenges and improve their skills. You are grateful for the volunteers at the Christmas Bazaar at your church who stay late to help you clean up.

Want to explore more about the traditions and meaning of Christmas? Visit Psychology Today’s article on the meaning of Christmas and Greater Good’s guide to how Christmas fosters generosity and connection.

If you’re reflecting on traditions, gratitude, or ways to deepen connection this season, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, compassion, and emotional growth.

Holidays, Farms, and the Joy of Family Gatherings

Family traditions shape our memories and remind us of what matters most. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the rhythms of farm life, holiday gatherings, and the timeless joy of connection.

This is the time of year when families become the focus. I have recently learned that this is also the high purchase time for alcohol and marijuana products. Apparently, most of us need help spending time with our families.

My extended family was rooted in the ground, making the need for alcohol much less critical. What I mean is that they were farmers. That means that there are really no days off. Each farmer must ensure that his cows are milked twice a day, regardless of the celebration. Do not get me wrong. Farmers have elaborate celebrations with tons of food, games, conversation, and teasing. However, the cows, pigs, and chickens take priority. They have no awareness of holidays. This also meant that the city folk had to travel to the farm for these holidays. If you were a child, this was fun because you could get lost in the hayloft or build forts in the corn crib, and being dirty was acceptable. If you were an adult, there would be complaints about keeping the casserole warm or ensuring that the pie did not fall off the ledge above the back seat. There was also the inevitable story about Uncle Ernest, and I hoped that he did not bring his most recent girlfriend, as they were always ridiculous creatures.

A fascinating thing for a kid is that farm families tend to be big. You have cousins from all over, and the excitement of seeing them on holidays never faded. Competitions of all kinds would be mounted. Tug of war, fastest across the pond, first to sight an eagle, fewest pumps to get the well to work, relay races, and who could down the most yeast rolls inside of a minute. Rummaging in the attic or the hayloft was another fun thing to do. Farmers tend to keep everything. The hayloft held a horse-drawn plow, and the attic room held handmade soap flakes that Grandma had made decades ago. Why would you keep this stuff?

Of course, food was the focus of the day. Everyone had brought something, and the hostess was responsible for the turkey. A giant, giant turkey was required for this group. Beef was also provided, as you could not have a meal on the farm without meat. Someone always made macaroni and cheese. Others brought side dishes and desserts of all varieties. Needless to say, the table was groaning. The conversation was fast and furious. Stories from past generations were always told, and you learned to look forward to the same tales each year.

Want to explore more about family traditions and connection? Visit Psychology Today’s article on the importance of family traditions and Greater Good’s guide to how family rituals build connection.

If you’re reflecting on family, tradition, or ways to deepen connection this season, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, compassion, and emotional growth.

NEUROSCIENCE YOU CAN USE!

Sleep, Cleansing, and the Brain’s Built-In Dishwasher

Sleep isn’t just rest—it’s repair. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how neuroscience reveals the brain’s nightly cleaning cycle, and why sleep is essential for emotional and cognitive health.

Does anyone know Maiken Nedergaard? Well, you should. Maiken Nedergaard, M.D., D.M.Sc., is fascinated with sleep. How many of you also focus on sleep because you have trouble getting there? Dr. Nedergaard, a researcher at the University of Rochester Medical Center, studies sleep.

Here are some reports from my clients about their sleep:

• I cannot fall asleep until about 3 a.m. I do not know why, but no matter what I do, I cannot seem to change it.
• I sleep for 2 hours and then am up for two hours, just like when I was on guard duty in the military. It is driving me up the wall.
• My sleep pattern is crazy. I wake up at about the same time in the middle of the night about every night.

Sleep is critical for our physical and mental health. Sleep is like a dishwasher for the brain. Many of us turn the dishwasher on before bed and wake up to clean dishes in the morning. Your brain wants to do the same thing. At night, your brain wants to flush out the waste matter that has accumulated during the day. That is fascinating. My brain discerns the junk I have picked up during the day and flushes it out! Yes, we collect junk and stuff during the day and do not need to keep it. Our brains can do a clean sweep for us if we just let them.

When we fall asleep, our brains work, just like the dishwasher. Blood and cerebrospinal fluid team up to do the work. This is a marvelous system. Here is the process in a nutshell (no pun intended). As we sleep, the blood vessels in the brain constrict. They tighten up. Cerebrospinal fluid rushes into the space, removing the bad stuff. Then the fluid retreats, and the blood vessels expand. Then, the whole thing repeats over and over, cleansing the brain. You can think of it as a form of breathing with fluid. Your brain becomes a washing machine to remove the waste or junk accumulated during the day.

Sleep becomes an especially important part of brain health. Do you know those pills that are advertised for brain health? Guess what? You came into the world with a brain health maintenance system. But you must get good sleep for the system to work. What is good sleep? You must get a chunk of non-rapid eye movement sleep (NREM) for your brain’s washing machine to work. NREM sleep is the part of sleep where you are not dreaming. In this sleep phase, your brain can be in either deep sleep or in the stage of light sleep as you are falling asleep or just waking up. Our brains need this stage of sleep to maintain health.

You must get there naturally. Your brain can do this for you. Sleeping pills will interfere with this process, leaving your brain to struggle to “self-clean.” Developing a sleep routine is critical. As humans, we like and benefit from routines. Look at how you approach sleep. Repeat the same sequence and process every night, and your brain will thank you!

Want to explore how sleep supports brain health and emotional resilience? Visit Neuroscience News’ guide to sleep and brain health, Medical News Today’s breakdown of sleep stages and memory, and NeuronUP’s insights on sleep and cognitive performance.

If you’re reflecting on sleep, emotional clarity, or brain health, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and restorative living.

Emotional growth starts with safety and understanding.

For individuals in Maryland and DC, this conversation explores how boys learn to express themselves and how parents, especially moms, can nurture emotional fluency through everyday connection.

Good to see you,

Why do boys sometimes shut down, act out, or struggle to express what they feel?

This week, I joined the Mothers of Boys Survival Guide Podcast to share insights from my years of work with young boys and their families. We talked about how boys develop emotional awareness, why they often communicate differently than girls, and what parents can do to help them turn frustration into connection.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Encouraging boys to express feelings instead of acting out
• Turning meltdowns into meaningful moments of understanding
• Supporting emotional development through safety and play
• How movement and physical space help boys learn and communicate
• Why moms play such a vital role in modeling emotional openness

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering how to help your son “use his words,” this conversation offers empathy, research-based tools, and simple, real-life strategies for nurturing emotional growth.

🎧 Watch the full episode: Helping Boys Grow Emotionally | Mothers of Boys Survival Guide

Want to explore how boys develop emotional intelligence and resilience? Visit Psychology Today’s article on helping boys develop emotional awareness and Greater Good’s guide to supporting emotional growth in boys.

If you’re navigating parenting challenges or seeking tools to support your son’s emotional development, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, connection, and emotional growth.

The Festival of Lights and the Miracle of Connection

Hanukkah is more than a holiday, it is a reminder of resilience, light, and the miracle of human connection. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the deep tradition of Hanukkah and how its lessons extend into everyday life.

Eight days of celebration bring family and friends together. This celebration honors the Second Temple in Jerusalem, and it dates from the second century BC. That is a deep tradition. Hanukkah is called the “Festival of Lights.”

One day’s supply of oil for the lamp lasted for eight days. The people celebrate this miracle as a sign of their own longevity. This miracle of light is clearly a sign of value. G-d looks down on His people and announces their value through the continuation of light.

Valuing each other and celebrating the miracle of life is available to all of us. Each of us is uniquely made. If you set up a workshop to accomplish this, you would not have enough staff to complete the task. We celebrate the birth of a child because we are amazed. How is this person created? How complicated is a single baby? How many parts are there?

We are born connected to another person. We have lived inside another person for over nine months, and at birth, we have all the cells necessary to enter the world fully formed and capable of life. Of course, we will need help. That is why it takes two others to create us. We will be cared for, loved, and supported as we grow into unique individuals. Even if I have an identical twin who enters the world at approximately the same time, I am unique. The fact that I come first or second will affect me forever.

Hanukkah is eight days of celebration and giving thanks for a place of worship, the growth of a people, and the miracle of being sustained by forces beyond our control. No matter how much science, invention, or exploration we do in the universe, we will never catch up to the miracle of our existence.

As the holidays unfold and celebrations are planned, let us be grateful for life. I know that life is not easy. I know that surprises cause you to change course, injuries limit your next steps, and people get in the way of progress. No matter. Each of us will hit roadblocks, disappointments, and complex curves. We have been given resilience to adjust and to try new ways. We have been given signs that cannot be easily explained so that we will experience wonder and know that power exists beyond ourselves. We have been given family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers to remind us that we are not alone and that we were born connected to another.

We spend the rest of our lives seeking connection, enjoying company, and holding each other. As you light a candle this holiday, remember that connection is the key to life.

Want to explore more about the meaning of Hanukkah? Visit Psychology Today’s article on the meaning of Hanukkah and Greater Good’s guide to how Hanukkah fosters resilience and connection.

If you’re reflecting on traditions, resilience, or ways to deepen connection this season, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, compassion, and emotional growth.

MARTHA STEWART TO THE RESCUE

Garlic, Grit, and the Art of Reinvention

From kitchen hacks to cultural comebacks, Martha Stewart reminds us that resilience is a recipe worth mastering. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how everyday frustrations and life’s deeper setbacks call for community, courage, and a little creative flair.

Whatever you may think of Martha Stewart, you must agree that she is resilient. She seems to have nine lives, just like your favorite cat. And she has all kinds of tips for the cook, the gardener, the hostess, and the guests.

Sometimes, she must be a horticulturalist. She seems to know how to grow everything from fruits to finances. But today, I am interested in her little tricks for success in the kitchen. Today’s tip is getting that awful garlic smell off your fingers. Of course, you are good to go if you use a garlic press and never touch the stuff. But if you are a purist and insist on chopping your garlic, your fingers will forever be stinky. Surely, you do not want to shake hands with your special guests and leave them smelling like garlic. Martha to the rescue. Run warm water in your sink, place your chopping knife under the faucet so the entire blade is covered with flowing water, and run your garlic fingers across the blade’s entire length. Voila! The scent is gone. I guess you could say it gets transferred to the blade.

What other stinky things can we think of that can be magically transferred to safety if we know the right recipe? What can wash away the sense of rejection when your friend neglects you? When the article you have poured over and revised multiple times is not accepted for publication, what can wash away the feeling of futility? When the job you were so excited about suddenly gets cut from the budget, what can ease the fear that you will not be able to support yourself or your family?

Where is the Martha Stewart solution when you need it?

Tragedy is honest and always surprising. Given this truth, one must ask if there is a way to prepare for tragedy. Yes and No. We must realize that we prepare for daily tragedy in how we live our lives. Tragedy requires community, resilience, and fortitude. Take out a piece of paper and put a circle in the middle. That is you! Now position others on the page using distance from you to note your relationship with others. That is your network of support. That is your community. Nurture them. Now, look at your history and the struggles that have naturally come your way. Every one of us has a history of struggles. They hurt us, test us, and grow us. Your struggles build your resilience. Reflect on those and remember how you have changed and grown. And now for fortitude. What the heck is that? Fortitude is courage used to face pain. Pain is inevitable. Sometimes, I think of it as a honing tool. Much like Martha would sharpen a knife, we, too, get sharpened by the rough parts of life. As we experience pain and let it run through us, we change. Our struggles make us sharper and stronger. Even when they stink, we can use their challenge to strengthen our resolve or change our direction. Life will always call us to rescue ourselves and hone different parts of our personality. Just remember to remove the stink.

Want to explore how Martha Stewart’s story reflects resilience and reinvention? Visit Dr. Anna Cabeca’s reflections on Martha’s journey, WebMD’s guide to emotional resilience, and Mint Arrow’s podcast on Martha’s inspiring comeback.

If you’re reflecting on resilience, emotional growth, or personal reinvention, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and strength.

Admiration, Safety, and the Call for Reflection

The early morning walker has discipline and resilience. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection admires the dedication of walkers and joggers while raising an important reminder about safety and visibility.

First, let me say that I admire you. You are up early, and that cannot be easy for all of you. My husband is an early riser, and I have never understood the concept. However, in the winter, I will say that I love the benefit. By the time I get up, the coffee is made, and on cold winter days, there is a fire in the fireplace. So, I love the early morning riser.

Except twice a week, I am up early to go to exercise class. That puts me on the road in the dark. The sun will not be up for more than an hour, so I need the headlights to make my way to the gym. Then there is the early-morning jogger or walker. As I said, I admire you out there in the cold.

I am in my warm car, sweat suit on, headed to a hot, steaming gym. But the jogger/walker is hoofing it down the blacktop in their black running suit with NO REFLECTIVE VEST. What are you thinking? You blend in with the blacktop. The headlights do not pick you up until it is almost too late. Really, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

I get it. Those reflective vests are for the guys and gals who work on road crews and hold those rotating STOP or YIELD signs. You are not a road worker. But please, it is dark. Headlights have only so much range. You are invisible until it is almost too late. I do not need the surprise to wake me up. You do not need to leap to the side of the road in fear. Wear a vest!

The best example of this was not an early morning encounter. My example is from a late-night adventure. On the way home from a friend’s house after dark, a woman in all black with a black hat on was out for a late-night stroll. As the headlights finally picked her up, she was halfway into the driving lane, waving her arms furiously and shouting something that could not be heard inside the car. REALLY?

She sees these headlights traveling toward her and decides to confront the beast rather than leap to the sidewalk. I do not get it. Of course, the necessary swerve saved her from becoming roadkill. But really? What is with these joggers and walkers? Do you like taking risks with your body? Are you really that dense? Are you harking back to your caveman ancestor and hoping to slay the powerful beast?

Wear a reflective vest or stay on the sidewalk! Even then, you are going to have to cross a street at some point, unless you want to cruise back and forth in front of your house. Seriously, waving your arms at an oncoming car in the dark while you are dressed to blend into the blacktop is not cool.

Want to explore more about pedestrian safety and visibility? Visit Psychology Today’s article on why we take risks with our safety and Greater Good’s guide to how small choices build safety and connection.

If you’re reflecting on health, safety, or lifestyle changes this season, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, resilience, and emotional growth.

GRAY

Emotional Weather, Middle Ground, and the Power of Synergy

Gray isn’t just a color—it’s a state of being. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how emotional grayness mirrors life’s complexities, and how balance, nuance, and synergy can transform heaviness into insight.

Now I could take that one word and go off in a variety of different directions.

Today is a very gray day. The clouds are low and heavy. The undersides are a dark slate gray that fades upwards to a dusty gray. They look like they are closing in on me and have the weight to crush me if they fall. Of course, I know they will stay up there, but the oppression is the same nonetheless.

The pressure is palpable. Can the world really close in on me? I am not alone in this feeling. I imagine that each one of you has had the experience of sensing, worrying, wondering if the world is going to close in on you. The sense of being overwhelmed will bring this up. The fear of impending doom will bring this up. The devastation of loss, whether expected or sudden, will bring this up. The experience of being alone and wondering if anyone cares will definitely bring this up.

The shocking thing about each of these experiences is that they are normal. Yes. I don’t imagine that you expected that, but these experiences are normal. Each of you has at one point in time been in an emotional place that was gray. We think of gray as colorless. However, it sits on the color wheel as a combination of black and white. It can vary in shade and intensity. We think of its components as endpoints: black and white. If these are extremes, then gray forms the middle ground, the very space that we often seek in life.

We do not want to go to extremes. Extremes tend to frighten us and confuse us as we are not sure if we can return from them, so we seek the middle ground. When our friends are arguing with each other, we work to help each one see the flaw in their position and give a little as they move closer to the middle ground. When a couple is at odds with each other, we work hard to help them develop empathy for each other and soften the edges of their divide.

We are not seeking mediocrity. We are seeking synergy. Synergy urges us to see beyond the two separate parts to the potential of a combination. In business, this is a very desirable outcome. When two companies come together and merge their strengths, they also slough off their weaknesses as they build a more vital entity, leading to innovation and profit.

As I continue to face the gray day and the clouds seem to sink lower and lower, I wonder what energy can be drawn from them as they sit outside my window and draw my attention. Can I separate the black and white? Can I find the mixture that will propel me to the next task? Can I blend my strengths and weaknesses into a profitable endeavor?

Want to explore how gray symbolizes emotional balance and spiritual growth? Visit Spiritual With Liza’s guide to gray as balance and neutrality, Spiritual Ark’s reflections on gray and emotional clarity, and NeuroLaunch’s breakdown of gray color psychology.

If you’re reflecting on emotional complexity, balance, or personal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and emotional resilience.