Renovating

A home library after renovating in fall, symbolizing seasonal change, connection and emotional reflection in Maryland and DC.

The Endless Adventure of Making a House Work — Renovating Again

How many of you have been through this? Renovation can range from redoing a corner of a room to adding square footage to your house. We have done it all. And for some reason, we are at it again.

One would think we should not have bought this house — and they would probably be right. Looking back, getting here was a mystery. Moving cities is a chore, let alone finding the right house. In retrospect, I blame our old house for making us choose this one. Our old house was perfect: a lovely colonial on a tree‑lined street, neatly organized rooms, a coveted wrap‑around screened porch, and a huge yard with mature trees. We thought we would be planted there forever. Until…

The move was necessary. Fortunately, our grown daughter already lived in the city, which helped. After arriving, we toured condos, row houses, and individual homes, but without much enthusiasm. It felt like a temporary stop, so we barely cared. Even a tent might have sufficed.

After some searching, we toured this house with our daughter. The corner lot was nice. The house was a post‑war build — solid but small. One walkthrough, and we sat on the front steps with our daughter, who said she liked it. One should never buy a house because your daughter says she likes it. But we did.

Only after buying the house did we start asking questions. Was there a first‑floor bathroom? Did anyone add that in the post‑war world? Was there space for a washer and dryer, or just a clothesline as the post‑war mother likely had? Would our car fit in the tiny one‑car garage? Was there a pantry off the kitchen? Did it have a kitchen? Really.

As we settled in, more surprises emerged. Guess what? The kitchen had four doors, leaving little or no space for anything else. Now that is hard to accomplish. Oh — and the refrigerator was in the garage, and somehow we missed that.

So began our renovation journey. First, we added a kitchen. Then came a deck off the kitchen, which meant weatherproofing and screening in the space below. Next, we enclosed the side porch off the living room, and while at it, expanded the master bedroom above. We added a side driveway for easier access to the lower level. Finally, we put up a wall to level out the backyard, since no swing set would have ever worked on the original steep slope.

Now we are gutting and redoing the basement rec room.

I think we are done.

For more reflections on home, memory, and the psychology of place, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating life transitions, home changes, or the emotional weight of uprooting and resettling, therapy can offer grounding and clarity. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support resilience, adaptation, and emotional steadiness.

WHY EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION MATTERS FOR MEN

Man reflecting on Emotional Freedom and emotional expression in co-parenting challenges and growth after divorce, illustrating how therapy in Maryland and DC supports families moving from conflict to connection.

A Conversation on Mind Over Habit About Emotional Expression

Hi everyone,

I recently joined a conversation on Mind Over Habit with Moses King, where we explored emotional development, intimacy, and the long-term impact of how boys are taught to relate to their feelings.

🎧 Listen to the full episode:
Listen on Spotify

In this discussion, I draw on my experience as a psychologist with over fifty years of clinical work supporting individuals, couples, and families. My focus has always been on understanding how emotional patterns are formed early in life, and how they continue to shape relationships, identity, and mental well‑being well into adulthood.

A central theme in this conversation is the emotional experience of boys and men — and why so many struggle with expression, vulnerability, and connection despite a deep internal capacity for all three.

We explore how cultural expectations around masculinity influence emotional development, often limiting access to sadness, fear, tenderness, and uncertainty. These emotions do not disappear when they are suppressed. Instead, they tend to surface later in ways that can affect relationships, communication, and overall emotional health.

Some of the key topics we discuss include:

  • How emotional conditioning in childhood shapes adult intimacy and connection
  • Why boys often learn to restrict emotional expression long before adolescence
  • The difference between emotional suppression and emotional regulation
  • How relationship difficulties are often rooted in early developmental patterns
  • The role of fathers and caregivers in modeling emotional openness
  • Why vulnerability is essential for healthy relationships, not a weakness
  • How awareness and reflection create the possibility for change at any age

We also talk about healing as a process that begins with awareness. When people begin to recognize the patterns they inherited, they also begin to see that those patterns are not fixed. They can be understood, questioned, and gradually reshaped.

At the heart of this work is a simple but important idea: emotional connection is not optional for human well‑being. It is foundational to how we build relationships, regulate stress, and experience meaning in life.

If this conversation resonates with you, I encourage you to listen and reflect on how emotional expression was supported or limited in your own experience — and what might be possible moving forward.

Warmly,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst

For more reflections on emotional development, identity, and relational health, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating emotional restriction, relationship challenges, or early‑life patterns that continue to shape your present, therapy can offer clarity and support. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight, resilience, and meaningful change.

SUNDAY, SUNDAY

One of the teachers journaling about the meaning of the word “like” with mental clarity on a Sunday in the new year, symbolizing language evolution and emotional expression in Maryland and DC.

Sunday and The Music, the Mood, and the Mystery of One Powerful Day

The Mamas and the Papas sang “Monday, Monday,” a lovely little song. But I prefer Sunday songs, and there are a lot of them.

Kris Kristofferson sings of waking up drunk and making things worse. Maroon 5 are struggling to find their place in life. The Commodores are leaving a love behind. Etta James wants a love that lasts.

What is it about Sunday that moves these musicians so?

Some people view Sunday as the end. The weekend is coming to a close, and the prospects for Monday morning are not looking good. Some people treat Sunday as the beginning. Sunday starts the week, and all sorts of potential lie before them in a new week.

Which are you?

Are you winding down or gearing up?

Funny how one single day can have such power over us. Many of you are dressing up and heading to church. Others are heading out to have fun after being quietly contemplative through Shabbat.

What are your plans for Sunday?

I actually have an exercise class in the middle of the day. What was I thinking! I could be lounging on the porch or relaxing with friends and good conversations. Instead, I am sweating in a gym and taking a shower.

As the day heads to a close, what are you thinking? Will the morning bring excitement? Perhaps the brilliant idea that came to you in the early Sunday morning will now see the light of day with your boss. You have discovered a way to save the company money, and you are eager to share it. Perhaps you are heading back to school with a sour feeling in your stomach as you face the reality of doing sums with a brain that keeps bouncing around to other topics. Perhaps you are heading off to that end-of-summer vacation that you have been anticipating and are excited about doing nothing, absolutely nothing.

Whatever awaits you on this Sunday evening, I hope it brings you a Sunday Best, just like the upbeat song by Surfaces!

Explore related reflections:
The Right Mindset blog
Seasonal reflections
Therapeutic approaches

Learn more from trusted music and culture sources:
Billboard – Music & Culture
NPR Music
Rolling Stone – Music

If you are navigating emotional transitions, stress, or the rhythm of weekly life, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful growth.

FINDING

A woman reflecting on finding self love and into a field with soft light, symbolizing self-reflection and emotional insight in Maryland and DC.

The Unexpected Joy of What Turns Up When Life Makes You Look

What came to mind when you saw that word—finding? Maybe you thought of HomeGoods, the store full of lovely things you don’t need but somehow end up buying because they are cute, sweet, or simply interesting. But that’s not where my mind went.

Instead, I was thinking about a recent experience triggered by the need to repaint a room. Preparing the space meant moving furniture, clearing closets, and rolling up rugs—tasks that led to surprising discoveries. Remember that tiny screwdriver you lost months ago? Despite searching everywhere, it was nowhere to be found… until now, tucked under the carpet and so embedded it seemed woven into the backing. And the earring you loved and mourned? It had somehow worked its way into the zipper of the rocking‑chair cushion. How does that even happen?

These unexpected finds reminded me of a story about cleaning out my friend’s grandmother’s house. Her grandmother was a hoarder. If you’ve never seen a hoarder’s home, you cannot imagine it. If you save every magazine you receive for thirty years, where do they go? They stack on the floor, filling every inch of space, with narrow aisles carved out so you can still reach the couch to watch TV—flanked by even larger magazine towers. And that’s just the living room.

The cleaning task was overwhelming, but my friend and her relatives knew treasures might be hidden in the chaos. And they were right. They found piles of cash beneath stacks of old clothing in the hall closet and a gorgeous diamond engagement ring stuffed in a plastic bag in the bottom drawer of a bureau. And those were only a few examples.

I am not advocating hoarding, but these stories do show that sorting and thoroughness can pay off. Ideally, this kind of tidying would happen regularly. But like many people, I find that reorganizing rarely makes it to the top of my to‑do list amid daily demands. Still, repainting turned up interesting finds—a reminder that reviewing and sorting can be unexpectedly rewarding.

Yet despite these reminders, I doubt the lesson will stick. Everyday life is too interesting—or too demanding—to set aside time regularly for rummaging through the past. I will likely wait until a big event, like redecorating or handling a loss, forces a deeper dive.

For more reflections on memory, meaning, and the psychology of everyday life, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating transitions, sorting through the past, or seeking clarity about what to keep and what to release, therapy can offer grounding and perspective. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight, resilience, and renewal.

How Your Past Shapes Your Present | Featured Podcast Conversation

A young man reading about a child riding a bicycle into the horizon, symbolizing your past daydreams and emotional growth in Maryland and DC.

A Featured Conversation on the Growth Room Podcast

Good to see you,

I recently joined the Growth Room Podcast for a thoughtful conversation about the ways our earliest experiences continue to influence our emotions, relationships, confidence, and personal growth.

Many of us spend years trying to change our behaviors without fully understanding where those patterns began. Yet the experiences that shape us, especially in childhood, often continue to guide how we see ourselves and connect with others long into adulthood.

In this conversation, we explore why understanding your past is not about staying stuck there. It is about gaining the insight needed to move forward with greater freedom, self‑awareness, and intention.

In our conversation, we discuss:

  • How childhood experiences shape confidence and emotional development
  • Why certain relationship patterns repeat throughout life
  • The importance of understanding the stories we carry
  • How self-awareness creates opportunities for lasting growth
  • Why emotional healing begins with curiosity, not judgment
  • Practical ways to better understand yourself and your relationships

Whether you are feeling stuck, questioning old patterns, or simply looking to better understand yourself, I hope this conversation offers encouragement, insight, and hope.

Listen to the full episode:
How Your Past Shapes Your Present — Growth Room Podcast

Rooting for your growth,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst

For more reflections on identity, emotional development, and the impact of early experiences, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating old patterns, emotional transitions, or a season of personal change, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful growth.

Letting Go | A Reflection on Seasonal Change, Memory, and Holding On

Person watching a Monarch butterfly perched on a flower, symbolizing memory, seasonal change and emotional transformation in Maryland and DC.

Why Seasonal Change Still Tugs at Us Long After Childhood

Ahh. Summer is over, and fall is attempting to appear. However, with global warming, fall may be delayed as the heat continues to wrap around the block. The end of summer and the return to school mark a cycle that repeats annually, but I never seem to be ready for the change. I am no longer a school student, so what does it matter? I work the same schedule in summer, fall, winter, and spring, so what does it matter? Ah, but it does matter. It matters a great deal. The fact that school started so young and went on for decades explains why my body and brain react to this transition every year.

Going back to school is going back to order, serious endeavors, new and older kids, new adults in charge, expectations of performance, new and old social endeavors, challenges in and out of the classroom. We could do away with school someday. Each year, a smart chip will be embedded in your brain, and it will have everything you need for the year ahead. Then the school building will remain empty year-round. Perhaps they’ll tear it down or turn it into a rec center with fun things to do, like playing games, weaving cloth, or painting murals.

I so want to hang onto summer, when you can ride a bike, splash in the pool, put your toes in the sand, build sandcastles, read a book of your choice, or laze around. Will summer ever last?

Let go; I must. The days will shorten. The morning will be dark. The season will change.

Don’t you see how hard letting go is?

We are not trained for this. We are built to hang on. Think about it. We are born hanging on! When we learn to ride a bike or pump a swing, our parents are yelling, “Hang on.” Come on! Whose idea was this? What can I salvage from that sweet summer and carry with me?

Oh! I have the shells that we collected along the beach. Some of them are quite interesting. I particularly like the summers when a big storm has hit the shore, as it brings all kinds of creatures and shells to the beach. Big ones and small ones that would never find their way to the shore in any other way. A basket in the hallway is filled with these treasures. A conch shell the size of my hand. A lustrous black piece, fragile and veined with silver, sits on the edge of the basket. A couple of light pink beauties sit on top of the others, as they clamor for center stage. Then there is the piece of driftwood on the porch. We hauled that back on the plane, believe it or not. My favorite is the rock shaped like a slice of pie with an egg-crate top, as though it held dinosaur eggs a billion years ago. I hauled that one out of Lake Michigan in the late summer.

Looks like I do not have to let go of summer, after all!

Explore related reflections:
The Right Mindset blog
Seasonal reflections
Therapeutic approaches

Learn more from trusted nature and seasonal‑living resources:
Farmer’s Almanac – Seasonal Living
Rock Creek Park – National Park Service
National Weather Service

If you are navigating seasonal transitions, emotional shifts, or the bittersweet rhythm of change, therapy can offer grounding and clarity. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful growth.

Wind Chimes | From Ancient Warnings to Modern Music in the Breeze

A woman sitting outside listening to wind chimes on Lazy Summer Days thinking about her health, symbolizing emotional warmth and friendship in Maryland and DC.

From Ancient Warnings to Modern Music in the Breeze

Wind chimes come in all shapes and sizes, made from every material imaginable. The earliest versions, of course, were created from whatever was readily available. If you were a caveman, what did you have on hand? Bones. The remains of animals you hunted for food or clothing. But why use bones to make noise? Simple: noise deters predators. Hang a cluster of bones at the mouth of your cave, let the breeze knock them together, and you have an early warning system. Voila, wind chimes, circa 3000 BC.

Early wind chimes were crafted from whatever people could find nearby: animal bones, shells along the beach, light wood, or bamboo that moved easily in the wind. These chimes were not decorative. They were practical, primitive alarms meant to scare off danger. Over time, they took on spiritual meaning. Some believed they attracted positive energy, such as chi, or welcomed the presence of ancestors. Wind chimes were used in meditation, rituals, and ceremonies honoring those who came before.

Today, wind chimes have evolved into a booming industry, one that generates up to $5 billion annually. Given their long history and modern popularity, you might be tempted to gather a few shells and string them together yourself.

Lately, while entertaining friends, I’ve noticed that not everyone shares my affection for wind chimes. We have a lovely little set hanging from the eave on the deck. Copper tubes, a wooden clapper, and delicate metal butterflies that catch the wind. The sound is sweet, with clear high tones, though depending on the breeze, it can also become quite raucous.

During a recent gathering, a steady breeze kept the clapper in constant motion, the bell tones ringing throughout the visit. I’ve adjusted the chime so its background presence is soothing to me, but my friend clearly found it jarring, her repeated glances toward the chimes said everything. Unfortunately, I am not tall enough to take them down, and I have no magical way to silence them. Still, her reaction made me reflect on how differently sound affects each of us.

The world is full of sound. We adjust to most of it until we no longer notice it. I marvel at the road worker who manages a jackhammer for hours without screaming. Yes, he has earplug, but that thing is still LOUD.

Perhaps I should put a small bowl of earplugs on the deck. But then again, how would my friend hear what I’m saying?

For more reflections on sensory experience, memory, and the psychology of everyday life, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are exploring how sensory experiences, personal history, or emotional responses shape your daily life, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight, resilience, and self‑understanding.

DO BOYS CRY?

summer friends, two boys discovering the power of playing sport games and speaking while a parent watches patiently, symbolizing raising Boys’ Emotional Development, of boys cry, and emotional disconnection in Maryland and DC.

Do Boys Cry And What That Means for a Generation of Emotional Health

Hi everyone,

I recently joined a conversation on Fit for Joy exploring one of the most important and often overlooked issues in emotional development: how boys are taught to restrict their emotional expression from an early age, if they cry, and what that means for their relationships, health, and well‑being later in life.

🎧 Watch the full conversation:
Watch on YouTube

In this discussion, I draw on my experience as a licensed psychologist and author, working for more than fifty years with children, adolescents, adults, and families. My focus has always been on how emotional development is shaped within relationships, and how early patterns of attachment and communication continue to influence behavior across the lifespan.

This episode looks closely at what happens when boys are systematically discouraged from expressing sadness, fear, vulnerability, or emotional uncertainty — and how that restriction becomes internalized long before adolescence.

We also examine how those early patterns intersect with later developmental stages, particularly when emotional suppression meets the intensity of adolescence. What often appears as behavioral or relational difficulty in teenagers is frequently rooted in a much earlier limitation of emotional language and expression.

Some of the key ideas we explore include:

  • How emotional restriction in early childhood affects boys’ ability to form healthy relationships later in life
  • Why emotional suppression does not disappear, but becomes stored and expressed in other ways
  • The impact of cultural expectations around masculinity on emotional development
  • How family communication patterns, especially at the dinner table, shape emotional openness or shutdown
  • Why parents often unknowingly reinforce emotional restriction through everyday interactions
  • The importance of rebuilding emotional vocabulary as a foundation for regulation and connection
  • How healing begins with adults first, especially parents and caregivers modeling emotional awareness

One of the central themes of this conversation is that emotional development is not simply an individual responsibility. It is shaped within families, reinforced through culture, and passed through generations unless it is consciously interrupted.

We also discuss practical ways parents can begin shifting these patterns in everyday life, including simple changes in communication at home that create space for emotional expression rather than suppression.

A resource is also shared in this episode — a Feelings List designed to help expand emotional vocabulary and support more accurate expression of internal experience. Tools like this are small, but they can have a meaningful impact when used consistently in family life.

At the heart of this conversation is a simple idea: emotional health is not about eliminating difficult feelings. It is about building the capacity to recognize, express, and move through them in a healthy way.

If this topic resonates with you, I encourage you to watch the full discussion and reflect on how emotional expression was supported or limited in your own environment.

Warmly,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst

For more reflections on emotional development, identity, and relational health, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating emotional restriction, parenting challenges, or early‑life patterns that continue to shape your present, therapy can offer clarity and support. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight, resilience, and meaningful change.

Woman reading about a newborn baby crying in a delivery room, symbolizing emotional insight and healing in Maryland and DC.

Emotional Insight – The Lesson Calculus Couldn’t Teach

Featured Interview on an Unexpected Path Toward Helping People Grow through Emotional Insight

Hello,

I wanted to share a recent interview I was part of titled The Lesson Calculus Couldn’t Teach: How Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst Built a Career Helping People Grow.

In this conversation, I reflect on the unexpected path that led me into psychology — beginning with a planned career in mathematics and a turning point during Calculus II that redirected my direction entirely. What seemed like a setback at the time became the foundation for decades of work in psychology, family systems, and emotional development.

Much of my career has centered on understanding how emotional patterns form early in life and how they shape relationships, communication, and well‑being across the lifespan. In particular, I have spent many years working with children, families, and men, which has given me a broad perspective on how culture influences emotional expression and development.

In the interview, we explore several themes that have been central to my work:

  • How early emotional conditioning shapes adult relationships and mental health
  • Why emotional restriction in boys often has long‑term relational and psychological consequences
  • What decades of clinical work have revealed about family systems and development
  • How success can be understood through growth, insight, and change rather than external achievement
  • Why writing and teaching have become an important part of my work and legacy

I also share reflections on entrepreneurship — not as a focus on business growth alone, but as a process of supporting human growth and meaningful change over time.

You can read the full interview here:
The Lesson Calculus Couldn’t Teach Interview

Warmly,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst

For more reflections on emotional development, identity, and lifelong growth, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating life transitions, early‑life patterns, or questions about purpose and direction, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful change.

Weddings | A Reflection on Love, Tradition, and the Joy of Imperfection

Woman being present observing a fly and butterfly resting on a tree with spring sunlight streaming in, breathing in the bloom scent, symbolizing unexpected connection and emotional reflection on love in Maryland and DC.

A Reflection on Love and The Beauty, Chaos, and History Behind Saying “I Do”

First, when you reflect on your own wedding, what feelings come up? I hope a smile crosses your face, bringing a sense of joy and contentment, followed by a chuckle about that one thing that went wrong.

Weddings are complicated. Historically, the bride or groom’s family arranged matches to advance the family’s fortunes. A proper match could legitimize a family in a new station. A proper match could mean financial gain and security. A proper match could mean continuing a lineage of importance. A proper match could open new horizons. A proper match could heal family rifts from long ago.

With more economic advancement in the culture, weddings became reflective of the mixed social classes. Weddings moved across classes. The farmer’s daughter could marry the doctor’s son, and no one had a negative thought about it. Today, weddings cross class and gender. The boy from the lower class can catch the heart of the girl from the upper class, and suddenly the distance is bridged. We accept a full range of matches. Today, the man can select a man and the woman can select a woman. We have made love universal.

Most weddings have their highs and lows. The cake shows up with a missing letter. The minister gets sick, and the substitute is someone you really don’t know. The flower girl steals the show by wandering and spinning as she makes her way down the aisle. One of your bridesmaids starts to faint and is rescued by your father in the first pew. The doves that were supposed to swoop toward the sky are sluggish, and one dead one falls to the sidewalk. A gray sky clouds the sandy beach. Oh, all kinds of things can go wrong.

That is not the point! The point is that you have decided to put your lives together and see what happens. You ride off to your honeymoon destination with a light heart and high expectations for the future. The family is on a high as they are excited for you, and while you are gone, they get to open all of the wedding presents and organize them in your new space.

You can breathe! You got tons of compliments on the flowers. The band played just the right tunes and for just the right length of time. The caterer served the food before everyone got wild with hunger. The first dance that you had practiced over and over went off without a hitch. And your new husband did not turn into a jerk and shove cake in your face. To top it off, your best friend caught the bridal bouquet just as you had hoped.

You are married. Your husband is handsome. Your future is bright.

Explore related reflections:
The Right Mindset blog
Seasonal reflections
Therapeutic approaches

Learn more from trusted marriage and relationship resources:
The Gottman Institute
Psychology Today – Marriage Counseling
American Psychological Association – Healthy Relationships

If you are navigating relationship transitions, communication challenges, or emotional shifts, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful growth.